It feels so weird to be on the other side of things.
When I was younger, and even during the past couple of years in VYO, the senior soloists always seemed so…intimidating. They played their pieces perfectly. They would stand in front of the orchestra with such confidence, obviously having worked toward playing their solo for a very long time. It seemed so easy for them. I would marvel at their talents from the audience or from my place in the middle of the orchestra, thinking that they wouldn’t see my mouth hanging open in total awe.
I know now that they could.
When I stood in front of the VYO in rehearsal today, and looked out at my peers, I didn’t feel nearly as confident or play as fluidly as any of my predecessors. When I saw the faces of the VYO members staring back at me, I felt like they were expecting perfection. But, remembering my younger, open-mouthed self, I thought hopefully that at least one person in the orchestra might look up to me as I had looked up to so many others in the past.